Category Archives: Whimsies

Messy Kitchen

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I wanna thank you Lord,
For noisy children and slamming doors,
And clothes scattered all over the floor
My never ending messy kitchen
And dirty dishes.
Noisy kids are happy kids,
And slamming doors just means we live
In a warm and loving home
Your long hours and those dishes in the sink
Means a job and enough to eat. – excerpted from Dirty Dishes, by Scotty McCreery

I love to open up Pinterest and see just what it is in which they think I’m interested on any given day. For a long time, Pinterest was offering me suggestion after suggestion about how to build chicken coops and what is the best thing to feed your chickens. I found these posts particularly puzzling because the closest I’ve ever gotten to looking into raising chickens is perusing recipes for frying them.

More recently, Pinterest has apparently decided I’m looking for creative ways to wear a pony tail, interesting in that my hair has been like this…..

…..for at least two decades. Should I ever try to wear a pony tail, it would be like the two little sprouts you see on some 18-month-old girls.

But recently, what popped up was a post entitled 10 Tips for Cooking All Day Without Making a Mess. The title struck me for a couple of reasons: 1) I wonder when I last cooked all day; and 2) I quite literally can’t cook for 15 minutes without making a mess. So, I bit. I clicked on the link.

The author of the article started out by saying Cooking all day is fun! (No, it isn’t.) Especially if it’s blizzarding outside. (Still no. If it’s blizzarding, I want to curl up in front of my fireplace and read Agatha Christie.)

But, by that time, she’d hooked me, so I kept reading to glean the tips to cooking without a mess.

Suggestion 1: Start with a clean kitchen.
So, here’s the problem. My kitchen is never clean. There are always dishes in my sink. My coffee cup stays on the kitchen table where I left it after breakfast until I get ready to set the table for dinner when I finally put it in the sink. So, see above: there are always dishes in my sink. The bread I pulled out of the bread box to make toast might not make it back into the bread box for three or four days. The toaster crumbs don’t get swept up until I finally break down and wipe off the sink when it becomes so sticky from the jam on the toast that the napkin sticks to the counter.

Suggestion 2: Make a game plan before you start.
She suggests that you plan all your meals for the day, and then chop all of the vegetables, zest all of the citrus fruit, cut all of the meat, and measure all of the sugar or flour for all of the dishes that you will be preparing that day. Such a great idea, but seriously? I generally don’t know what I’m making for the next meal until about 20 minutes before it’s time to eat. Unfortunately, my lack of planning not only prevents me from chopping all of my veggies for the day, but requires about three trips each day to the grocery store.

Suggestion 3. Pick the right tools for the job.
Her example is to make sure you use the right sized bowl for the job so that you don’t have to switch bowls halfway through, thereby resulting in dirtying two bowls. Another good idea, and one which I seem completely unable to embrace. I seriously say — OUT LOUD TO MYSELF — at least three times a week, “Kris, do you think you get a prize for using the smallest bowl/baking pan/skillet?” as I dump ingredients into a larger container.

Suggestion 4. Have canisters large enough to fit your measuring cups.
I have that one nailed. I’m dying, however, to buy one of the two-cup measuring cups that The Pioneer Woman uses, thereby rendering my canisters too small.

Suggestion 5. Measure over the sink.
My sink is filled with dishes.

Suggestion 6. Use a plate as a giant spoon rest.
Great idea. Then you can use it to hold measuring spoons, knives, and so forth, resulting in clean counters. Except see above: My counters are never clean.

Suggestions 7 and 8. Aluminum foil and garbage bowl.
Done and done.

Suggestion 9. Tidy up as you go.
Really? I’d be happy if I just remembered to close the cupboard doors. That way I wouldn’t hit my head quite as often.

Suggestion 10. Schedule cleaning breaks.
The thought makes me tired. Maybe I should schedule nap breaks.

The reality is that I am truly a very messy cook. I spill. I really do leave cupboard doors open. The food on the floor by my feet looks like what I would feed my chickens if I did, in fact, have a chicken coop as Pinterests suspects. My Roomba works way harder than I. Still, most of the time, I wouldn’t be too awfully horrified to have someone drop by.

As Scotty McCreery said, dirty dishes and a messy kitchen are the signs of a happy home.

This post linked to Grand Social.

Saturday Smile: He Would Never Pull Jen Out of the Well

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Among many things that made me smile this week was a lunch with four of my favorite people: my husband, my sister Jen, my nephew B.J., and my stepmother Shirley. We don’t see Shirley as often as I would like, for no good reason whatsoever, as she only lives 60 minutes north of us. But we made up for it by enjoying lunch at 3 Margaritas in Fort Collins on Thursday, where we caught up, laughed, and solved the problems of the world. Perhaps the funniest story we heard was that the fence between Jen’s house and her neighbors to the north blew down in one of Fort Collins heavy windstorms. At some point that evening, she began looking for her Bijon Frise Tucker (also known as Mr. Shenanigans). She finally found him comfortably sleeping on her neighbor’s patio. So much for a loyal dog/friend.

Our lunch gang should meet more often…..

Have a great weekend.

Friday Book Whimsy: The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb: A Novel

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I will be completely honest here. I didn’t even know that Tom Thumb was a real person. As far as I knew, Tom Thumb was no more than the character in a book of old fairy tales that was on the bottom shelf of our bookshelf when I was growing up. So I certainly didn’t know that there was a Mrs. Tom Thumb.

Author Melanie Benjamin has fictionalized the life stories of a number of famous people, including Anne Morrow Lindbergh (the wife of famed aviator Charles Lindbergh, and herself an author and aviator) in The Aviator’s Wife;  and Hollywood legends Mary Pickford and Frances Marion in The Girls in the Picture. Benjamin seems to do a very good job of researching her characters, at least based on the information I gleaned from Wikipedia as a read The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb: A Novel.

Mercy Lavinia Warren Bump was born in Massachusetts in 1841. She was one of two daughters born to loving parents. She was exceptional in that she was 2.66 feet tall and weighed 29 lbs. as an adult. She was what is referred to as a proportionate dwarf, meaning that while extremely small, her extremities were proportionate to her size. Her sister Minnie was even tinier.

It being the mid-1800s, opportunities for all women were scarce, and for a woman the size of a large doll, the prospects would seem to be even direr. Nevertheless, she became a teacher, and was quite successful. And yet, she was bored with her life. Her desire to travel took her down an unfortunate road until she met the famed showman P.T. Barnum. Barnum had already made a very successful career for Charles Sherwood Stratton, better known as General Tom Thumb, and also a proportionate dwarf.

The two eventually fell in love and married, in what was the wedding of the year in New York City. The story of their fame, their career, their relationship to Barnum, and their life in the spotlight was ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING. I simply couldn’t put the book down. I was grateful to be reading the novel as an e-book because I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I stopped to look up some information about Lavinia Warren (which became her stage name), Gen. Tom Thumb, P.T. Barnum, and the other performers who they loved like family. The most amazing thing about their lives was how their fame allowed them to rub shoulders with high society in 1900 New York City.

I read the book just before seeing the The Greatest Showman – the movie about P.T. Barnum – and it was fun to be familiar with some of the characters in that movie.

I heartily recommend The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb: A Novel. While it is important to keep in mind that it is fiction, the book was wonderfully researched and incredibly readable.

Here is a link to the book.

Thursday Thoughts

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Holiday Road
At 3:45 yesterday afternoon, the David McLain family took off for their three months on the road, traveling in an RV. I watched the kids pack up the things that they felt they couldn’t live without for three months. I saw lots of books and arts-and-crafts supplies. In the case of Dagny, I saw very many little Tupperware containers of slime. As for Addie, like most teenagers, she brought enough toiletries to raise her father’s eyebrows. They were excited, nervous, and the parents, at least, looked tired. The first destination was Rock Springs, Wyoming – where my Uncle Elmer told us the birds fly upside down. Just sayin’. Off they go…..

The kids prepare their home-away-from-home for the summer.

Off they go!

Chain Gang
Court has been helping us out with yard work this summer, and I’m pretty sure he wishes yesterday he hadn’t come by. Bill took advantage of his youth and strength and had him moving rocks from the side of our house into the pond area. Bill has a vision for the pond, and it involves many, many rocks. Shoveling rock is not for wimps, and I’m pretty sure Court had trouble getting out of bed this morning!…..

My New Pizza
Court brought Kaiya, Mylee, and Cole with him yesterday. They played while he worked. Lots of Play Doh, of course. There was also an outdoor game that looked like a combination of soccer and tag. I never really understood the rules, and I’m pretty sure Cole never did either – though he played the entire game. When it was lunchtime, I asked Court what sounded good and, more importantly, what the kids would eat. Cole’s new favorite food is pepperoni pizza, Court told me. So I ordered a pizza from our neighborhood pizzeria that was half pepperoni and half sausage. I also ordered some meatballs for Mylee, who is not a pizza lover. When I opened up the box, I told Cole, “Look, pepperoni pizza! You’re favorite.” “I don’t like pepperoni pizza,” he announced firmly. So there. Pepperoni pizza was sooooo yesterday. There were plenty of meatballs to go around.

Mom, Can Y’all Order Me This Song From iTunes?
Jen texted me last night with this funny story. Her grandson Austin, who is 7, asked his mom to download from iTunes what he referred to as “his favorite song.” A pop tune? Maybe some rap? Nope. His new favorite song is Kick the Dust Up by Luke Bryan. This photo from last December should have given me a clue.Yippi-i-o-ki-a…..

Ciao.

 Big Enough to Fit an Elephant

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Most of the regular network dramas are wrapped up for the summer. That’s okay. It was time for us to say goodbye to Frank Reagan for a few months. Tom Sellick needs a bit of time to practice up on his sighing. There are only a few shows that Bill and I faithfully watch, and (spoiler alert) it was fun to see that Jamie Reagan and his partner Eddie will be getting married next season. Let’s just hope that Blue Bloods doesn’t surprise its fans in next season’s opener with an unexpected mid-summer death like they did this season. My heart can’t take it. As for Madame Secretary, well, wait and see, I guess. A series name change perhaps?

At any rate, because we have moved to reruns or stupid space fillers, Bill and I are positively scrounging for things to watch in the evening. You would think between cable television, Netflix, and Amazon Prime, we could come up with something. The problem basically is that we can’t seem to find many shows on which we agree. He would watch Anything Mafia and I would watch Anything British Murder Mystery, and frankly, never the twain shall meet. Imagine Inspector Robbie Lewis saying, “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

So we’ve started taking turns picking our nightly program. His recent choice was Kill the Irishman, a docudrama on Netflix about real-life Cleveland gangster Danny Greene that included lots and lots and lots of cars and buildings exploding. When it was my turn, I chose Rocky, the 1976 film written by and starring Sylvester Stallone. Yo, Adrian.

While Kill the Irishman was released in 2011, the story takes place in the 1970s, culminating in Greene’s death (predictably, by explosion) in 1977. On the other hand, Rocky was released in 1976. Even when they are period pieces, the more current films have a different feel to them than do the older films. I sort of like the look and feel of the films made in the 1970s, 80s, and even 90s. They’re often so delightfully cheesy. See above: Yo, Adrian.

One of the things that both Kill the Irishman and Rocky had in common were the 1970s cars. If you would have asked me about cars from circa 1970, I would have said they were big. But even with that knowledge under my hat, I was taken aback by the sheer size of the cars. Quite literally, my VW Bug could almost fit in the trunk of some of those cars.

Bill’s father was a Buick man, mainly because his brother-in-law was a Buick dealer in North Carolina. As a steel worker, his father would never have considered anything but an American car, but the relationship required the American car be a Buick. So every couple of years, Rex would trade in his car for the same car/newer version. He would drive down to North Carolina and make the switch.

My dad was a Buick man for many years. Our neighbor sold Buicks, and that accounted for Dad’s choice. Dad’s choice, that is, until one year when the two had a bit of a fall-out around the car, and a few hours later, Dad pulled into our driveway in a brand new, shiny, Mercury Marquis.  If he could have, Dad would have had the license plate read Eff U.

The car was beautiful. It was a pretty shade of burgundy. And it was big. Huge. Almost-couldn’t-fit-in-our-garage huge. He brought the car home the morning we were leaving on our summer vacation. The trunk was large enough to easily handle luggage that fit clothes and supplies for six people for a week. Heck, it could have handled a washer and dryer as well, had Mom been so inclined. Huge.

Not actually our car, but same vintage.

We all loved that car, and Mom and Dad drove it for many years. I can’t remember when they sold it. I’m sure my brother will know. But I’m fairly certain they had the car long enough that the next car was considerably smaller. Remember President Carter’s gas lines?

I don’t miss big cars. I can’t imagine having to drive (and park) cars of that size, especially with the number of cars on Denver’s roads these days. Still, they were pretty, and they were nearly as comfortable as sitting in an easy chair in your living room.

Frankly, now even easy chairs in your living room aren’t that comfortable.

Thanks for the Memorial Memories

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It’s funny when you’re retired. Holidays don’t take on the same meaning. Man alive, I well remember those three-day holidays when I worked hard for a living. Three days of pure relaxation to which you looked forward for weeks! Now, frankly, most of my days are relaxing. But though they aren’t quite as satisfyingly refreshing, holiday weekends are still a lot of fun.

This year, Memorial Day took on a bit of a different tone, as Dave and Jll and the four kids are leaving in a couple of days for their three-month adventure. The six of them will be traveling by RV across the western part of the United States, through Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Washington State, Alaska, Oregon, Northern California, Southern California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah, and back to Colorado come mid-August. Along the way, they will stop at nearly every National Park in each state thanks to the Every Kid in a Park program sponsored by your United States of American government. The program allows for free entry for fourth graders and their families throughout 2018. So, thanks Maggie Faith for being a fourth grader.

Here is just a quick look at what to expect from the Traveling McLains…..

The family van will be attached behind the bikes. Can you hear the National Lampoon’s Vacation theme playing in your head?

Saturday night, Jll and the kids came by to enjoy a nice spring afternoon and evening in our back yard. The weather was nearly perfect, and – though we missed Dave (who was traveling back to the U.S. from Poland as we nibbled our barbecued ribs) – we had a great time. Following dinner, we put Alastair’s Boy Scout skills to the test, asking him to build a fire for S’Mores. He was very serious, and very successful…..

We enjoyed our treats. I especially enjoyed what Dagny called The Perfect S’More which she prepared for me. I think she was right…..

Sunday morning, Jen drove down from Fort Collins to spend the day with us. She and I made our annual trek to Fort Logan National Cemetery, where we laid flowers next to Mom and Dad’s headstone. The cemetery is always lovely as every year a Boy Scout troop sets flags next to each grave. Mom and Dad wouldn’t haunt us if we missed a year, but we have strong memories of making a trip every year with Mom to our grandparent’s graves in Columbus. Just as Mom did, our bouquet consisted of iris and peonies from my gardens…..

Sunday evening Court and Alyx and the kids joined us for a dinner of ceviche, carne asada, and Jen’s homemade Spanish rice. For dessert? Why mess with perfection? S’Mores. This time Court was in charge of the fire. He was a bit more challenged by wet fireword from a shower earlier in the afternoon. Still, after a few fire starters, a nice fire was born…..

Kaiya and Mylee enjoyed S’Mores…..

Cole chose not to eat a S’More, being more of a purist. His choice was too-many-to-count plain marshmallows. Though I missed the sight, I’m told at one point he had one in each cheek, resembling a chipmonk.

Yesterday was a bit quieter. I had lunch with Addie, because she hadn’t been able to be at dinner the other night, having one of those annoying things called a J-O-B. So we ate burgers and she talked about her upcoming adventures. In the meantime, Bill spent the afternoon with Dave, smoking cigars on their front porch and listening to his adventures in Poland.

I love summer, and in the eyes of my mom, Memorial Day was the beginning of summer. She was always as happy as I . Here’s to a great summer for everyone, and if you happen to come across an RV carrying six bicycles, wave hello to the Traveling McLains.

Saturday Smile: School’s Out For the Summer

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Yesterday was the last day of school for Kaiya and Mylee. They had a half day to pack up their desks and say goodbye to their teachers and friends, and then they were FREE!

So, to celebrate, they spent the afternoon, along with their brother Cole, at Nana’s house. We went to the park, they played with Play Doh (of course), the made a village out of sidewalk chalk, they put on their swim suits and ran through the sprinkler. Well, Kaiya and Mylee did. Cole put on his swim suit for about 45 seconds before he pronounced the water was too cold and he wanted his regular clothes back on.

After several hours of nonstop fun, finally about 4 o’clock, they agreed to sit quietly and play Minecraft and watch television……

Could this boy possibly look more tired?

But they sucked it up and posed for a photo in Papa’s fancy sports car…..

Have a great weekend.

Thursday Thoughts

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It’s Better Than Math Class
Last week I told you about hanging out at Maggie Faith’s field day – an event that most Denver area elementary schools hold at the end of the year when the kids are starting to drive the teachers crazy and the teachers are desperately looking for ways to keep them entertained for the last week or so. At her school, the events are mostly water-related. This week I went to Kaiya and Mylee’s field day at a different school. Unfortunately, as I watched Kaiya’s class walk out of school, I didn’t see Kaiya. Just then, I got a text from Court telling me that she hadn’t come to school that day because she was sick. So I returned home until afternoon, when Mylee’s second grade class had their field day. It turns out that their events are much more related to track. Among the activities: a game in which the kids ran under a parachute and had to run back out before it came down on top of them. Mylee had great speed and perfect timing…..

…..and three-legged races, an event with which she and her partner struggled a bit…..

…..and the tried-and-true tug-of-war…..

Her brother Cole was an observer, and excelled at being cute…..

Now, That’s Art
The Denver Art Museum hosted a special exhibit of works by the great French Impressionist artist Edgar Degas. It was a limited exhibit, and it was about to end. Bill and I had been talking about going, but never got around to, well, actually going. My friend Megan – who is one of them-thar high-cultured ladies – is a member of the art museum, and invited Bill and me to join her at the exhibit. It felt nice to be a grown-up for a change. Imagine, going to downtown Denver with the other grown-ups, and enjoying an amazing art exhibit. I know next to nothing about art, but I know what I like, and I liked most of what I saw. Not all, but it was fun to see how the artist progressed and changed his style throughout his life. He seemed to be largely interested in ballerinas, horses, and women taking baths. The fact that I’m not tittering about the nudes in the bathtubs shows just how sophisticated I am. Megan and I posed outside of the museum…..

Flowers
One of my goals this spring and summer was to make my life easier when it came to my plants. I love having flowers and vegetables, but I hate dragging hoses to get them watered. A few years ago, Bill pulled out some juniper bushes from our front yard. Since then, we have been trying to figure out what to plant in that spot. We’ve tried a variety of things, but because our sprinkler system doesn’t water that area, I have had to drag hoses. No longer, because this year we put in drought-friendly plants. We have grasses and a dwarf blue spruce, and lots of columbine. I figure if columbine can live on the side of a mountain, they can resist some dry weather. Aren’t they pretty?…..

Ciao.

Changes in Attitude, Indeed

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It’s these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same.
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane. – Jimmy Buffett

When I’m in Denver, I listen almost exclusively to sports radio when I’m in my car. It’s true that the talk is All Broncos, All the Time, but that’s okay. I – apparently along with many other people – can’t get enough scuttlebutt about our football team.

How can you not want to listen to sports analysis when you have situations such as John Elway signing former Colorado State University quarterback Nick Stevens to the Broncos’ roster despite telling fans and players that under no circumstances would he have four quarterbacks on the early roster?  I’m pretty sure the day he announced that the spunky Stevens would be competing for the QB spot, our first round draft pick from a few years ago Paxton Lynch – a QB who to this point has inspired exactly no one — broke out in a little tiny sweat. He might have even checked to see the length of his apartment lease. What he should be doing is checking the length of his throws.

At any rate, I enjoy hearing the different viewpoints and banter among all of the sports analysts on the station. What I don’t enjoy, however, are the commercials.

There are about three categories of commercials. You have your real estate ads. I can deal with those. You have your ads for divorce lawyers who specialize in figuring out ways to prevent men from having to pay alimony. They get under my skin a bit. And you have your erectile dysfunction ads, including testimonials. Oh, for the love of all that is good! I’m always surprised, by the way, that these macho sports announcers seem completely comfortable telling the world about their sexual deficiencies. They must get paid a lot of money.

However, a new category has recently been added. There is now an ad being played about 17 times an hour on this station for a product that prevents hair loss. The fact that there are ads for hair loss prevention products doesn’t surprise me. Men hate going bald. What amuses me is that the spokesman for these ads is Snoop Dogg……

It appears to me that the 46-year-old Snoop Dogg has a pretty good reason for advocating this product. His forehead definitely seems a bit large. Having said that, I must admit that I haven’t spent a lot of time following Mr. Dogg’s hairline. Still, I literally laugh out loud every time I hear him – in his urban dialect, no less – proclaiming the good news about the prevention of hair loss. It’s a sign of the aging of America.

But another sign is equally amusing. I came across the notice on Facebook. Ladies and gentlemen, Jimmy Buffett is opening retirement centers in – where else? – Florida. The first one will open late this summer in Daytona. It will be called – wait for it – Latitude Margaritaville. It will provide the opportunity for the 55-plus community to have a place where they can lay back, drink umbrella drinks all day, and never have to remove their parrothead hats…..

Good for Jimmy Buffett. He’s not willing to give up a life of fun despite being a septuagenarian. What’s more, he wants to share his joy, for a bundle of money, that is. Despite the fact that they are purported to be quite expensive, I would love to put my name on the list for one of the homes.

By the way, from all appearances, Mr. Buffett could stand to use Mr. Dogg’s product.