I can’t help it. I’m a sucker for those lists that show up on Facebook and other social media. They’re always ridiculous. And yet, I find myself looking for the 29 reasons why you should buy a short-haired dog or the 37 most effective weapons to carry on an airplane. Seriously, sometimes I will get to about number 10 and think to myself, that is 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back. Now, if the list has to do with the British royal family, I consider that time to be well-used. How else would I know what Harry and Meghan got Prince George for his half-birthday?
The one that most recently caught my eye was the 39 fashion mistakes that make me look older. Interestingly, they don’t mention the fact that the biggest reason I look older is because I am older. Sixty-five-and-a-half, to be perfectly frank. Yes, I have age spots on my hands.
I got to about number 19 or 20 before I realized that none of the suggestions of things to avoid have anything to do with me. For example, one of the suggestions is that I should avoid wearing poofy, highly-teased hair. Not a problem…..
Another suggestion is to avoid overplucking my eyebrows. If you will look at the same photo, you will notice that is also not a problem. I lost most of my eyebrows sometime between 60 and 61.
I also shouldn’t think about wearing old clothing that has sentimental value. I could be as sentimental as a blushing bride on her wedding day, and I still wouldn’t be able to fit into clothing that is more than six months old. The other day Bill and I went through our coat closet. We knew we had coats in there that date back to when the Carter Administration. One coat in particular had great sentimental value. It was a nubby white coat with a fake fur collar that my father bought my mother when she was a young woman. I’m sad to get rid of this coat because it belonged to my mother, I said to my granddaughter Dagny, who was watching me sort the coats. She asked why I don’t wear it, and put it on herself. It fit her perfectly. That’s why, I explained.
The list included a warning about allowing your hair go gray. Dye it purple, it said. I have seen a lot of older women who have dyed at least part of their hair an unusual color (blue or purple seem to be common). I think they are courageous. I simply couldn’t take the chance that seeing me with purple hair would cause someone I love to have a heart attack. It might be Bill. It might be Court. It very well could be any one of my grandkids (except Dagny).
Their final suggestion was this: Don’t wear stretch jeans. The first sentence I read was Stetchy jeans are the most comfortable jeans to wear. I quit reading at that point. I didn’t need any further information.
Honestly, I’m not uncomfortable growing older. And I’m well aware of the danger of trying to dress too youthful. I have given my daughters-in-law permission to pull me into a private room and give me the what-to if they see me wearing a pink Forever 21 sweatshirt with tie-dye leggings. Now I’m going to give that same permission should they see me with my hair dyed pink.
Do the list makers know they’re going to be sorry if they don’t see us wearing stretchy jeans? Options B & C are going to be worse.