You Don’t Look a Day Over 65

I can’t help it. I’m a sucker for those lists that show up on Facebook and other social media. They’re always ridiculous. And yet, I find myself looking for the 29 reasons why you should buy a short-haired dog or the 37 most effective weapons to carry on an airplane. Seriously, sometimes I will get to about number 10 and think to myself, that is 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back. Now, if the list has to do with the British royal family, I consider that time to be well-used. How else would I know what Harry and Meghan got Prince George for his half-birthday?

The one that most recently caught my eye was the 39 fashion mistakes that make me look older. Interestingly, they don’t mention the fact that the biggest reason I look older is because I am older. Sixty-five-and-a-half, to be perfectly frank. Yes, I have age spots on my hands.

I got to about number 19 or 20 before I realized that none of the suggestions of things to avoid have anything to do with me. For example, one of the suggestions is that I should avoid wearing poofy, highly-teased hair. Not a problem…..

Another suggestion is to avoid overplucking my eyebrows. If you will look at the same photo, you will notice that is also not a problem. I lost most of my eyebrows sometime between 60 and 61.

I also shouldn’t think about wearing old clothing that has sentimental value. I could be as sentimental as a blushing bride on her wedding day, and I still wouldn’t be able to fit into clothing that is more than six months old. The other day Bill and I went through our coat closet. We knew we had coats in there that date back to when the Carter Administration. One coat in particular had great sentimental value. It was a nubby white coat with a fake fur collar that my father bought my mother when she was a young woman. I’m sad to get rid of this coat because it belonged to my mother, I said to my granddaughter Dagny, who was watching me sort the coats. She asked why I don’t wear it, and put it on herself. It fit her perfectly. That’s why, I explained.

The list included a warning about allowing your hair go gray. Dye it purple, it said. I have seen a lot of older women who have dyed at least part of their hair an unusual color (blue or purple seem to be common). I think they are courageous. I simply couldn’t take the chance that seeing me with purple hair would cause someone I love to have a heart attack. It might be Bill. It might be Court. It very well could be any one of my grandkids (except Dagny).

Their final suggestion was this: Don’t wear stretch jeans. The first sentence I read was Stetchy jeans are the most comfortable jeans to wear. I quit reading at that point. I didn’t need any further information.

Honestly, I’m not uncomfortable growing older. And I’m well aware of the danger of trying to dress too youthful. I have given my daughters-in-law permission to pull me into a private room and give me the what-to if they see me wearing a pink Forever 21 sweatshirt with tie-dye leggings. Now I’m going to give that same permission should they see me with my hair dyed pink.


One thought on “You Don’t Look a Day Over 65

  1. Do the list makers know they’re going to be sorry if they don’t see us wearing stretchy jeans? Options B & C are going to be worse.

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