Way back in 2013, I wrote a blog post in which I talked about the fact that Bill and I bought a brand new bed in Mesa in approximately 16 minutes from the time we walked into the store and the time we left to head out for lunch. Sixteen minutes. I really bragged about that too. Aren’t we something? I seemed to be saying. Don’t you wish you were as cool as us?

Of course, I have never followed up on that blog post, because why would I? You probably didn’t want to read about our bed shopping experience in the first place, so you certainly don’t expect follow up information.

The thing is, despite all of my bragging, that bed has turned out to be a bust. It is not only rock-hard, but it also slopes downward on both sides to the point where Bill and I are relieved if we make it through the night without one of us ending up on the floor. Thus far we have been lucky.

In addition to being very uncomfortable, unfortunately, the bed also sits only about a foot-and-a-half off of the ground. Perhaps that’s partially good news because when the inevitable fall transpires, even our brittle bones can’t break from a 12-inch fall. Can they? I keep hearing my mother’s voice saying you can drown in a teaspoon of water. If you can drown in a teaspoon of water, you probably can break a elderly bone or two in a 12-in tumble.

But the nearness to the ground also makes getting into bed tricky, and getting out of bed even trickier. The fact is, senior citizens with their knees above their head as they try to get leverage to stand isn’t something anyone should ever witness.

I’m providing this background information because Bill and I are once again on the hunt for a new bed. This time we’re looking to redesign our Denver sleeping experience. We’ll leave AZ for next year. Our daughter-in-law has been telling me for years that Bill and I are the only remaining couple who sleep together on a queen-sized bed. I’m beginning to think that’s perhaps true.

For the first 26 years of wedded bliss, we enjoyed the comfort of our loved one next to us. Sometime during the 27th year (which began in June 2018), however, we discovered that the closeness was getting a bit too close. It happens as one ages, (and increases in size) I’m afraid. The heavy arm swinging over me isn’t sweet; it’s annoying. The sounds I make as I sleep are no longer endearing; they’re noisy and prevent a sound sleeping environment.

So yesterday afternoon, we braved the chilly temperatures and the splashing water on our windshield as the snow melted, and we dodged numerous fallen limbs from the heavy wet snow and did a bit of mattress shopping. We have agreed on a king-sized bed, but we are still not necessarily on the same page as far as the mattress itself. I like a pillow top; Bill likes a firmer mattress. Bill wants a bed with the ability to raise and lower the head and foot of the mattress; I am perfectly content if my bed is entirely stationary.

But here’s one thing I know for sure: we are going to spend more than 16 minutes purchasing this bed. Maybe even as much as an hour!