Last year when Bec and her two grands were out visiting us in Colorado, we were driving in my car to Estes Park where we were going to go hiking and give Mackenzie and Carter their first taste of snow, present even in the summer on Trail Ridge Road.
As we drove along, Mackenzie said, “Aunt Kris, why don’t you have music playing on the radio?” She was right, of course. No music. I almost never listen to music on the radio. She and Carter, on the other hand, are used to music always playing on car radios whether they’re with their dad – my nephew Erik – their mother Josey, or their nana. They, like my grandkids Joseph and Micah, know the words to I Can’t Feel My Face and Shut Up and Dance With Me.
Don’t get me wrong. I like music. I like a lot of different kinds of music. I enjoy much of the contemporary music; country music pleases me a great deal; when I’m in Bill’s car (which has Sirius radio), I often listen to bluegrass.
But when I’m tooling around in my yellow bug, I listen to nothing but sports talk radio. Go figure.
I mostly like it when I’m in Denver and it’s football season. Then it’s all Broncos, all the time. Or at least all football, all the time. But let’s face it — Colorado is Bronco Country. The sports guys find a way to talk about the Broncos all year long.
Oh, they try to talk about basketball and hockey when the Nuggets and the Avalanche are playing. But there’s simply not a lot you can say about the Rockies once you have mentioned that they have the worst record in MLB.
But I will be honest with you. I have even found the sports talk stations in Arizona. It’s true I can’t listen to Dan Patrick and the Danettes when I’m in Arizona, but I can always find some kind of sports talk. And Sirius has all sorts of sports stations. It’s a good alternative to bluegrass when I get tired of listening to banjo music.
I can tell you for sure that I am not the demographic for whom their programs are aimed. The fact that there are approximately 750 commercials every hour dealing with ED (which, if you listened to sports talk radio, you would know means erectile dysfunction, which apparently is the most serious problem facing the United States of America today. Stop worrying about the terrorists. We have bigger problems, people!).
I can also tell you that there are a lot of double entendre with subsequent, well, giggling, that goes on when a group of men get together to discuss sports. Or likely anything else.
Finally, it is absolutely mind blowing to me how long the sports guys can spend talking about any issue. Seriously, they can spend an easy morning talking about why the Broncos practiced without pads earlier that day.
Nevertheless, I am absolutely riveted to the radio as they talk about coaching styles and play action and the benefits of a shotgun quarterback v. a read option quarterback. I don’t always know what they are talking about. That’s when I call or text Court for interpretations and explanations.
“Hi Son. It’s Mom. Do you think signing Evan Mathis was a good idea since our offensive line is so young or do you think there is a reason that the Eagles didn’t sign him again? Dan Patrick doesn’t think he left the Eagles because of money,” I say to Court.
“Mom, I just left a meeting to take your call because I thought you were going to tell me one of my kids had fallen from the new playhouse and was getting stitches in the head. Do you think we could talk about this later?” replies Court, trying oh-so-hard to be patient.
My brother always says that listening to baseball on the radio is like meditation for him. He finds it relaxing and it calms him. That’s kind of the way all sports talk radio is for me, even with the serious issue about erectile dysfunction (which apparently, according to the advertisements, causes wives all sorts of angst). I’m telling you people, if you or a loved one has any concerns about his performance in the bedroom, give me a call. Discretion is guaranteed.