Slimed

I’ve written about slime on a number of occasions. Just about every time Kaiya, Mylee, and Cole come for the day, slime happens. Dagny (who, by the way, turns 12 today) is a slime connoisseur as well.  The purpose of slime rather eludes me. Play Doh I understand. I have seen my grandkids make amazingly intricate replicas of Play Doh food, or realistic-looking superheroes out of Play Doh. But slime? You just keep kneading it. Stress relief, according to Dagny and Kaiya.

I’ve taken to doing what I guess many parents and/or grandparents are now doing, that being buying sparkly Elmer’s glitter glue in bulk, hoarding contact lens solution even though I wear glasses, and stocking up on plastic storage containers from the dollar store in which to store the slime.

The popularity of slime, my friends, is an example of one of the most brilliant marketing strategies since Ray Kroc began hawking lukewarm hamburgers and a cheap plastic toy in cardboard boxes to kids and calling them Happy Meals. Elmer’s Glue must be making a veritable FORTUNE these days from kids making slime. It used to be that Elmer’s Glue’s success depended on parents and teachers buying tiny little bottles of glue to use to paste stars and half moons and suns onto construction paper. You have to sell a lot of little bottles of glue at fifty cents each to pay your CEO the big bucks.

Now, however, Elmer’s Glue is sold in gallon bottles at twenty-five bucks a bottle. There is Elmer’s glitter glue and Elmer’s colored glue and Elmer’s glow-in-the-dark glue. And every time one child in America makes a batch of slime, an entire bottle of one of these types of glue is used, making Mom or Dad or Nana go out and buy a new bottle (or two).

So, there I am, once every couple of weeks, filling my grocery basket with the makings for slime. I stand in line behind other weary-looking patrons with carts full of glue and Borax or contact lens solution. In an effort to maintain some control, I actually have purchased special containers to hold my slime supplies. My house has a lingering smell of boric acid.

Having said all of this, I will tell you that I have never understood why parents are so fed up with slime. It seems harmless, if also useless. Kaiya can make it in her sleep. Both Mylee and Cole feign interest, but they can’t even fake interest after about 10 minutes. Kaiya, on the other hand, will spend hours making it, and then stretching it and poking it pulling it and blowing bubbles in it and cracking and popping it. But what’s the harm in that?…..

Well, I was finally initiated into the I-Hate-Slime Club yesterday, when a tub of newly-made slime landed on my cloth kitchen chairs. Because you know what? Slime on upholstery doesn’t go away. It comes off of wooden and plastic tables and bowls and spoons. But slime on cloth — like diamonds — is forever…..

Bill did the best he could, but He-Who-Can-Get-Anything-Out-Of-Anything finally said, “Oh well, it think we can get new covers from IKEA…..

I have a great idea for Elmer’s Glue. It’s time they start selling Elmer’s Foolproof Slime Remover For Fabric. Shrink-wrapped with Elmer’s Glue.

Saturday Smile: Slime With a Side of Chips

Thursday, I spent the morning and part of the afternoon with my great-niece Lilly, who is 4. My niece Maggie asked me if I could watch her so that she could volunteer to be a chaperone for Lilly’s brother Austin’s field trip, and I was happy to oblige. When I saw Lilly the day before, I mentioned that perhaps we could make slime, and SHE WAS ON BOARD. Did you know that slime has become such a THING that now it is hard to find Elmer’s glue on the grocery store shelves? I can confirm the truth of this statement because I tried buying it at Fry’s Thursday morning, and it was no-go. Just an empty space where the Elmer’s glue should be. Luckily I was able to find a couple of bottles of this essential ingredient of slime at CVS Pharmacy.

While I have watched two of my granddaughters who are Slime Makers Extraordinaire — Dagny and Kaiya — make slime on numerous occasions, I will have to admit that my effort on Thursday was just this side of being an epic fail. The recipe I used calls for four ingredients: Elmer’s glue, shaving cream, contact lens solution and food coloring…..

I’m blaming my failure on the contact lens solution that Lilly and I found in Jen’s bathroom. I think it might have been too old and the boric acid didn’t work properly. At any rate, for the most part, Lilly was happy with our final product (though she didn’t particularly like the Getting Dirty part of it all…..

But you know what kind of dirt doesn’t seem to bother this little girl? The mess produced by eating a meatball sub from Subway. She informed me that she always gets potato chips and a Sprite along with her sandwich when her mommy takes her to Subway. I later learned that she might have stretched the truth about that just a smidge.

This face made me smile…..

I think she’s making this face because I fell for her story about potato chips.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday Thoughts

Religion from Roomba
In my blog post yesterday, I talked about the newest member of our family – Rosie Roomba. I neglected to show you a photo…..

Even as I was writing the post, Rosie was busy vacuuming our bedroom floor. When she finished, I went to check out the results…..

You have all heard of the people who see images of the Virgin Mary on their toast or in their mashed potatoes. Well, I think Rosie might be giving me spiritual messages. Can you see the cross clearly imaged into the carpeting? Hmmmm. Well, at least she’s not leaving me Satanic images.

I Spy
I probably go to my neighborhood King Soopers nearly every, sometimes a couple of times a day. While I always have good intentions, I rarely (and I mean RARELY) remember to bring my own bags, despite the fact that they are almost always in my trunk. That, my friends, simply means I’m too lazy to walk back to my car to get them. Anyway, yesterday I was making at the grocery store, and for a change, I had my own bag. It was sitting in my cart. I went through self-check, something I nearly always do. I had scanned the first item and laid it in the bagging area when the scanner (in her friendly female voice) asked me Do you have your own bag Dummy? Well, the truth is she didn’t say dummy, but she did ask me – FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER – if I had my own bag. I’m pretty sure King Soopers has joined ranks with Google, Amazon, Facebook, and Comcast and is spying on me. How else would she know that I had my bag with me? I wish I could use their spying tactics to make the world a better place.

Slimy Business
When Kaiya is anywhere around, there is likely at least TALK about making slime. And, much to her delight, her cousin Grace (who was one of the visiting dignitaries from AZ this past week) is a slime connoisseur. So, not surprisingly, this happened….

Aunt Bec was there to provide supervision. Cole and Faith are steadfastly sticking to Play Doh, thank you very much.

The Heat is On
I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I’m about ready to have the temperatures cool down a bit. Today — when it was supposed to be a bit cooler — my car thermometer showed an outdoor temperature of 63 degrees. Day before yesterday, it hit 81. But just wait. The first cold and snowy day, you will hear Nana’s Whimsies complaining!

Ciao.

Saturday Smile: Going Green (and Yellow and Blue and Pink)

While little brother Cole was in the hospital getting tubes put in his ear so that everything he hears doesn’t sound like it’s coming from Charlie Brown’s teacher, his two older sisters spent the day at our house. We had a busy time, starting our day with a visit to Target to procure the mandatory Play Doh…..

When all was said and done, however, Play Doh was unnecessary because the two persuasive girls talked me into letting them make slime. Water, Elmer’s glue, food coloring, and a teaspoon of Borax. It takes about 10 minutes and provides hours of fun. I’m not sure exactly why, but they squeezed their slime for hours…..

We went to see Despicable Me 3, where we were joined by Dagny and Maggie Faith. Upon returning home, those two had to make their own slime as well. Dagny is a master, having even convinced her teacher to allow her to teach a class after school last session called Slime Time, during which she showed the attendees how to make all manner of slime. She can even make bubbles…..

When they all went home, slime carefully placed in little baggies, I spent the rest of the evening cleaning up insidious green food coloring which had somehow escaped from Kaiya’s slime. No matter. For pennies, they had hours of fun.

Have a great weekend.

Treading Water

Because my swimming skills rival those of Michael Phelps, I will use a swimming analogy: for the past four days, I have been treading water.

Since last winter I have had it on my calendar. Watch Court’s kids for four days while he and Alyx are in San Diego at her friend’s wedding. For months, I would swallow the foreboding feeling that arose as I anticipated the event. As the date neared, I fought heart palpitations and nausea. Two-year-olds are scawwy.

Don’t get me wrong; you KNOW I love my grands. And I spend as much time as I can with them, and gladly so. But at the end of a busy day, they go back – filled full of sugar and content with a life with few boundaries – to their parents, who then have to deal with the after effects. It’s our revenge for the nights we laid awake listening for their car and all of the bad report cards.

But this time there would be no handing over of children, at least not for a number of days. Bill and I would be IT. Those three children would be our charges for FOUR SOLID DAYS.

We lived, and so did they, but I’m not too proud to say that I am very tired.

It’s rather a blur, I will admit. I had thought we would be doing all sorts of activities and taking field trips that would rival those of a Montessori school. I envisioned healthy snacks and cooking adventures. What I got was four days of keeping them alive, reasonably well-fed, a not-completely-horrifying bedtime hour, lots and lots and lots of laughter, and a few tears.

In the midst of all of the unanticipated chaos, I vaguely recall making several trips to Panda Express for orange chicken and McDonald’s for hotcakes (both for the same meal). At some point Cole fell off one of the kitchen chairs, hitting the back of his head on the ceramic tile below. I immediately began reaching into the depths of my brain to recall Court’s health insurance information. By the time I picked him up to comfort him, however, the tears had nearly stopped. He, my friends, is the toughest kid known to man. Probably comes from being the littlest in the family. He didn’t even have a bump.

Speaking of Cole, by Sunday afternoon, he was calling me Mommy. I guess he figured he could have done worse. Jen came Sunday for the day and spent the night. When I became Mommy she was promoted to Nana. Pecking order in the mind of a 2-year-old.

Bill, who like me, appreciates the predictable order of his days, showed great patience and restraint. He spent quite a bit of time in his office with the door closed. And he hardly grimaced at all when I told him Saturday night that the toilet was backing up. Kaiya and Mylee were a big help as they ran around holding their noses and squealing in horror. Too much toilet paper and it was fairly easily fixed. Says the woman who didn’t have to touch the plunger.  I had a talk with the girls about just how much toilet paper is actually necessary in this first world country.

At various points of the past few days, the cousins stopped by as well. And this was much to Kaiya’s and Mylee’s delight. Cole finds the attention offputting. I’m just a normal boy, he seems to be saying to Dagny and Addie, both who want to smother him with love. Addie, sensing the kids needed something interesting to keep them busy (perhaps seeing the fear in my eyes), at one point set up a little outdoor classroom in which she demonstrated making a volcano using some of my kitchen supplies. I recall corn starch, vinegar and water leaving my pantry. The kids loved it…..

addie-and-zierks-volcano

They also loved making slime. A simple activity involving nothing more than Elmer’s glue, Borax, food coloring, and water…..

making-slime

Then there was the fashion show, featuring an enthusiastic Kaiya, Dagny, and Maggie Faith, and a less-than-enthusiastic Mylee, donning various scarves and other paraphernalia they gathered from my dress-up box. At some point, one of them happened upon my make-up bag and let me just tell you there was lipstick involved. And lots and lots of fragrance. Much fragrance. Fragrance that at some point becomes not fragrant.

But Monday night, I tucked Kaiya and Mylee and Cole into their own beds in their own bedrooms in their own house, kissed them goodnight and reminded them that when they woke up the next morning, Mommy and Daddy would be there.

I would do it again, my friends. Just let me catch up on my sleep and get the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song out of my head. Oh, and finish cleaning up the slime that I still find in unexpected corners.