Run Forest Run

Exercise is good for you. You should spend 30 minutes doing some kind of aerobic exercise at least five times a week. You should do core exercises or lift weights a couple times a week. Exercise can help prevent heart disease, lower your blood pressure, prevent broken bones, and keep your cholesterol under control.

Blah blah blobbity blah blah.

I know all those things are true, but I hate to exercise. I always have. I do now. I always will.

Much of my life, I have been able to set aside my dislike of exercise and have faithfully grunted myself into good health. I have run, walked, or biked. I have jumped around doing step aerobics. I have danced my butt off doing Jazzercise.  I belonged to Curves. For over a year, I faithfully walked on a Nordic Track in my basement every morning before work. Never once – not for one minute – did I enjoy what I was doing. I enjoy sitting in my recliner reading the latest C.J. Box mystery. I like plopping in front of the television and watching Chief Inspector Morse listen to opera while solving a complicated mystery. I do not like putting on my stretch pants and doing anything that makes me break out in a sweat, especially since yoga isn’t in my future and stretch pants aren’t my friend.

But I do it. Or at least I do it most of the time.

Walking is my current exercise of choice. I walk pretty faithfully every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I have added a twist to my walking regime – Nordic walking. In addition to making me look like an incredible fool, the walking poles are supposed to work the entire body more effectively because you apply pressure on the poles with each step. I can’t confirm or deny their effectiveness. But I can certainly confirm that I look quite silly…..

The other day the skies were threatening rain. I was trying to talk myself into getting out for my walk early so that I could beat the rain. Suddenly I remembered that I belong to 24 Hour Fitness, thanks to Silver Sneakers. I know it sounds funny to point out that I had forgotten that I had a membership in a health club, but there you have it. It had been quite some time – several years, in fact – since I entered the doors of that club. Part of the reason is that we spend nearly half the year in AZ, where there are no 24 Hour Fitness Clubs. Being the best thing about growing older, Silver Sneakers actually pays for my membership at two clubs – 24 Hour Fitness here in Denver and LA Fitness in AZ.

So I walked confidently through the door and typed in my telephone number. I then dutifully rested my finger on the fingerprint identifier. See receptionist, it told me. I did, and she looked me up on her computer. I was no longer there.

She gave me a liar-liar-pants-on-fire look. “Has it been a while since you’ve been here?” the young woman asked me. I told her the truth, that it had been several years. I learned that even Silver Sneakers has its limits, and I had been purged. Never fear, however, as I was quickly reinstated, and on my merry way to a treadmill. Thanks again, Silver Sneakers.

Bill likes exercise about as much as I, which is to say not at all. The difference between he and I, however, is that – see above – I enjoy reading or watching PBS mysteries. He, on the other hand, doesn’t sit down from the time he finishes breakfast until dinnertime. He’s always working around the house or in the yard or on some sort of project. Still, he is never eager to go out and pursue an aerobic activity. Unfortunately, aerobic exercise is what his movement disorder doctor recommends.

I bought him a pair of walking poles, and if I am really, really persuasive, I can get him to walk with me, using his poles. He also has taken to riding his bike a bit. Oddly, bicycle riding has proven to be effective exercise for people with Parkinson’s.

I read recently that while exercise is critical to maintaining health, once you reach my age, exercise is not very effective at assisting in weight loss. Apparently you can’t out-exercise the food you put in your mouth.

All I can say, is exercise better be good for something, because I don’t do it for the fun of it. Seriously, do you?

The Perfect Day

It’s January – that time when 87.882 percent of the U.S. population begins to think about losing weight. Of course, nowadays nobody says they want to “lose weight.” Instead, they say they want to “get healthy.” Which is code for I want to lose 15 lbs. so that I don’t pop the final button on my jeans and no one thinks they are looking at the Titanic when they see me from behind. You know. Healthy.

Since January 1, my email inbox has been filling up with message after message about exercise and healthy eating. I got really excited recently when I got an email from Silver Sneakers, which is a free fitness program for seniors with which I am truly impressed. They actually send useful information for people my age. The email was entitled A Perfect Day of Eating.

AWESOME, I thought. Breakfast: A Cinnabon cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee, followed by a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal; Lunch: A hot dog all the way, French fries, and a Diet Coke; Dinner: A grilled bone-in ribeye steak, Brussel sprouts with bacon, a baked potato topped with a generous helping of butter and some more bacon, a dry Tanqueray martini, up with two bleu cheese-stuffed olives, and a dish of toffee fudge ice cream for dessert.

A perfect day of eating.

Alas, that wasn’t their idea of a perfect day of eating. Their recommendation — Breakfast: a piece of fresh fruit, a handful of raw almonds, and some oatmeal; Lunch: steamed vegetables with olive oil MISTED on top, a bowl of vegetable or bean soup, and fresh fruit; Dinner: a raw salad (obviously dreamed up prior to Romaine lettuce being DANGER DANGER DANGER), more vegetables on top of brown rice, 1-2 oz. of animal protein (Seriously? 1-2 oz.? Who are they kidding?), and yes, you guessed it, fruit for dessert.

How is that a perfect day of eating? Sigh.

The other day I was making our bed. Bed making, my friends, is not a strenuous task. Suddenly a spasm in my back sent me reeling to my knees. I was able to relax, and with some ice applied to the area of the spasm and a couple of ibuprofen, I managed to avert a spend-the-day-on-the-couch crisis. Still, I gave myself a stern lecture. In fact, I heard both of my sisters’ voices in my ear saying, Kris, you must exercise to strengthen your core.

Turns out I listen to myself better than I listen to my sisters. Go figure. I have, indeed, begun doing core exercises, as well as walking. It seems those Nordic walking sticks that I bought this past fall are good for more than retrieving items that roll under the couch……

Though I poke fun at the term get healthy, the fact is I really have no desire to return to the weight I was on my wedding day. That ship (not the same one for which people mistake my rear end) sailed quite some time ago. I do, however, want to be able to make a bed without having to call paramedics.

I won’t, however, call steamed vegetables with a MIST of olive oil a perfect lunch. Nope. Not gonna happen.

I did make a relatively healthy dinner last night, however. Healthy if you call a meal made with five eggs, cream, bacon and cheese healthy, and I do. It’s got spinach, people. I got Bill to agree to eat quiche by bribing him with Dairy Queen for dessert….


Bacon and Spinach Quiche

1 (9 inch) pie crust
5 eggs, beaten
1 c. heavy cream
1 -1/2 c. spinach, chopped
6 strips bacon, cooked and crumbled
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Whisk eggs until well blended. Add cream, onion powder, salt, and pepper. In the bottom of your pie crust layer chopped spinach, bacon, and shredded cheese. Pour egg and cream mixture into the pie crust. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes until egg mixture is firm and the top is golden. Cut into wedges and serve warm.

Nana’s Notes: I used a frozen pie crust. You can use any kind of cheese you prefer. I just happened to have cheddar cheese in my refrigerator. Bribe your spouse with Dairy Queen.

Stayin’ Alive

One of the best things about being a public employee retiree in Colorado is that PERA provides a free membership to Silver Sneakers. If you’re not a senior citizen like me, you might not know about this program which offers free membership to thousands of gyms around the country for (as they describe it) baby boomers and beyond. Quite frankly, I’m not sure there’s really a “beyond” from baby boomers, but I’m not their marketing director. The bottom line, however, is that Silver Sneakers is the second best thing about growing old. The first, of course, is what used to be the $10 lifetime National Parks pass that was available to people 62 and older. That price has now increased to $80. Still a smokin’ deal, but not as smokin’ as $10.

As a result of my Silver Sneakers membership, I belong to not one, but two gyms. Two, because there are no LA Fitnesses in Denver and there are no 24 Hour Fitnesses in AZ. So I belong to both. And Silver Sneakers pays for both of my memberships. Sheer awesomeness.

Except, of course, that right now I’m using neither gym because of my self-diagnosed bursitis.  Not only am I unable to exercise right now, but I have a condition that makes me feel like Granny Clampett. By the way, please don’t tell Silver Sneakers that their membership fee is currently going to waste because I promise I’m going to go back just as soon as I’m no longer Granny Clampett.

As a result of my membership, I get a regular email from Silver Sneakers that provides interesting and pertinent information to people of my generation. A recent email, for example, offered suggestions on how to strengthen your thighs – not to look better (that ship has sailed) but to make it more likely that you won’t break a femur bone or be unable to pick up your 3-year-old grandson who is in the 97th percentile for height and weight. Just sayin’…..

The email I received yesterday was entitled Things People Who Feel Half Their Age Do Every Week. I would like to feel half my age, I thought. Plus, it looked more interesting than the following article entitled What to Eat Before and After a Cardio Workout, because I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Dunkin Donuts.

Here were a few of their suggestions, and how I plan on incorporating them into my everyday life:

  1. Hang Out with Older and Younger Crowds
    Silver Sneakers suggest that by hanging out with only people of your age, you will only do people-of-your-age activities. People at least a decade older will expose you to their wisdom and to different attitudes. Like crabbiness. Because it sure seems that the majority of folks I see in the grocery store who have come off of the retirement center bus are grouchy and WILL HIT YOU WITH THEIR GROCERY CART IF YOU GET IN THEIR WAY. I will stick to hanging out with Bill (who I am always quick to point out is 11 years my senior. And not crabby. As for younger crowds, I have grandkids ranging in age from 3 to 14. They count. Don’t tell me they don’t.
  2. Embrace Newness and Change
    Now, newness and change are all well and good, but the reality is if I change up anything very much, I will never remember where I put it/how to do it/what it’s for. Silver Sneakers says that when we change things in our lives, our brains rewire themselves, making them form new synapses, which is apparently a good thing. So I am committed to changing my gin martini to a vodka martini every other day. I might even substitute a lemon twist for the olive. Keep firing, Synapses!
  3. Move as Much as You Can
    Everything counts, according to Silver Sneakers. So I will keep my gin in my closet upstairs and my vodka in my storage room downstairs. Not only will this require me to walk stairs, but I will have to remember which place I put which liquor bottle, thereby making my synapses fire even more. Neighbors might even call the fire department.
  4. Never Consider Yourself Old
    Okay. I’m not considering myself old. My kids and my grandkids, however, think I’ve got one foot in the grave. They have the retirement home on speed dial.

There were plenty of other suggestions, and in all seriousness, they are pretty good ideas. And they are ideas that I really do try to incorporate into my life. Laughing, keeping busy, having fun are great goals for baby boomers and beyond. Whatever that means.