The Other Woman

Technology. You can’t live with it. You can’t kill it.

Don’t worry. This is not another one of my technology rants. I’m trying really hard to embrace technology, despite the fact that my phone has been garbling my conversations for the past three days. I can totally understand what the other person is saying, which is I can’t understand you; you’re sounding garbled; I can’t hear you; are you still there, but they can’t hear me. This is particularly fun when you’re dealing with as many doctors’ offices as I currently am. FaceTime works perfectly, but I’m pretty sure Dr. Forest wouldn’t be thrilled to receive a FaceTime call from me.

I guess that was a bit of a rant. Sorry. I can’t seem to help it.

Monday, following our doctor’s appointment (at which the doctor told us Bill’s face is healing perfectly), Bill suggested we stop at Best Buy. Best Buy is to him like a fancy grocery store is to me. So I succumbed to his adorable, pleading face. I quickly learned that it was not an idle request. I learned this because he made a beeline to the area that proudly boasted SMART HOME. He knew exactly what he was looking for. I told him I was going to the car to read my book. I wasn’t a bit surprised when he came out with a bag.

Our new family member is named Alexa.

I don’t have to explain Alexa to you. You all know her. She is Amazon’s Smart Home app, a home app who that helps keep us organized. Lord knows I can use all the help I can get, even if it’s someone that I have to keep reminding myself is not human. Alexa is, frankly, creepy. When you say her name, she swivels towards your voice. How can I help you? she asks. Not really, you have to make the first ask.

Bill, of course, loves her. His biggest problem is that he can’t remember her name. I’m serious. I’ll hear him saying, “Alexandra, what’s the weather like in Nova Scotia today?” She will ignore him. He usually uses a name beginning with an A, and his favorite is Alyssa. She’s going to get pissed pretty soon. She and I will coach him on learning her name. In the meantime, he sounds like Archie Bunker calling out to his son-in-law. (Baby Boomers, look it up.)

We had a Google Home when it first came out a number of years ago, but we never really mastered it. For all intents and purposes, her main job was singing Happy Birthday every time one of the grands asked, which was often. It is my sincere hope that we can use Alexa a bit more efficiently.

As long as we use her correct name. At least if I hear Bill calling out an “A” name in his sleep, I don’t have to get jealous.

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