After The Bucket List movie was released in 2007, everyone wanted to put together a bucket list. The idea of having a bucket list became so common that I don’t even feel the need to explain the term bucket list. Even I — the world’s least ambitious human — started thinking about the things I would like to do before I die.

That, however, was some 16 or 17 years ago. A lot has changed since then. The biggest change is that I am 16 years older than I was when the movie came out. While I might have considered paragliding in my late 40s/early 50s (yeah, right), I certainly wouldn’t do it now. Not only is paragliding dangerous and terrifying, the idea of putting on a swim suit is nearly as dangerous and terrifying.

So, I decided that it was time to update my bucket list. Here are five bucket list revisions…..

1. I was determined to write a novel sometime before I died. Unfortunately, every time I would read a really good book, I would set aside that goal because I simply didn’t think I was good enough to publish. I’m downgrading that particular goal to, instead, simply figuring out a way to use the word fortnight correctly in a sentence. I read a lot of British literature and watch a lot of British television. The characters think nothing of throwing fortnights around like confetti. I am determined that the next time something is going to take place in two weeks, I am going to use the word. Maybe I will even schedule a doctor’s appointment for two weeks from today so that I can say to Bill, “I am seeing Dr. Hoolihan in a fortnight.” Boom.
2. One of my son Court’s bucket list items was to see a Red Sox game at Fenway Park. Take me out to the ballgame and all. He achieved that goal one time during a business trip to Boston. As for me, I wanted to visit Madison Square Garden in NYC. I didn’t particularly care if I saw a basketball game or a circus. I just wanted to be able to say I had been inside Madison Square Garden. While that goal is still possible, I think I need to be more realistic and set my goal to my own garden in my backyard. The thistles are nearly as big as the pine trees. They need to be pulled.
3. And speaking of Madison Square Garden, top of my bucket list was to attend the Westminster Dog Show at MSG just one time. As the years tick by, that seems less and less achievable. This year the dog show wasn’t even held at Madison Square Garden. It was held upstate somewhere because of COVID. So if I want to see Westminster anything, it will probably have to be Westminster, Colorado, a suburb of Denver. They have a butterfly pavilion that Cole has wanted to see.
4. Another heartily-wished-for bucket list item was to fly somewhere — anywhere — first class. I am pretty sure I’m the only person left on this earth who hasn’t stumbled upon the good luck of being upgraded to first class. Now that even my short legs are in my face when I fly, being able to fly first class, drinking champagne and eating truffle omelets sounds delightful. Unfortunately, it appears I’m going to have to lower my goal to receiving a personal letter from someone bearing a first-class stamp.
5. A few years ago, while visiting our Vermont family, we road tripped to Portsmouth, NH, and took a whale watching trip. We had a very good time. Not only did we see numerous whales, but a pod of some 100 dolphins followed our boat most of the way. They were funny and delightful to watch. I decided that swimming with the dolphins would be a great adventure. That, unfortunately, was never a realistic goal because I can’t swim a single stroke. So, my much more realistic goal is to put my head under water sometime this summer. Think large or go home.

There you have folks. A much more realistic bucket list.