Not a Latte!

Sometime around mid-August, one of the fellows on the sports talk show that I listen to mentioned to his partner that he had seen a pumpkin spice latte advertised. His question to his friend was this: Was it too early for pumpkin spice season?

Given that the fellow he asked is brash and outspoken and, well, basically kind of crabby, I waited in gleeful anticipation for him to begin his rant on All Things Pumpkin Spice. To my surprise, instead of a rant, he said he was happy as could be that he could finally have a pumpkin spice latte as they were one of his favorite things in the world. He spoke with great delight and absolutely no embarrassment.

In my opinion, he should have been embarrassed. For heaven’s sake, it was mid-August. We should still be thinking about iced chai tea, or — even better — ice cold gin-and-tonics. Pumpkin Spice Latte, indeed. Harumpf.

One of my faithful readers told my sister Jen that she was eagerly awaiting Nana’s Whimsies’ annual pumpkin spice rant. Personally, I think being accused of hating pumpkin spice is hugely unfair. I don’t dislike either pumpkin or spice. In fact, pumpkin pie is among my favorite things about Thanksgiving. (Which, I might add, is in November and not August.)

There are, however, two things of concern about the pumpkin spice obsession as observed by this blogger: 1) Why does it have to begin so early that most pumpkins are still just little squashes in the garden unready to be eaten? Let’s drink lemonade instead. 2) What happened to apple spice popularity? C’mon people. There is nothing better than an apple crisp or an apple pan dowdy. (I had to include the latter treat because whenever I talk about apple desserts, Bill suggests I make an apple pan dowdy. I don’t make an apple pan dowdy because I haven’t the foggiest idea of what it is, and I’ll bet he doesn’t either. Man, that guy knows how to yank my chain.)

I must also add a third concern: For all pumpkin spice things that sound reasonable, there is another that is wholly ridiculous. Take Quaker Oats’ pumpkin-spice flavored instant oatmeal. If I liked oatmeal, I might like it to be pumpkin-spiced…..

I don’t, however, want pumpkin-spice flavored Spam…..

Seriously, Spam is wrong. Pumpkin-spice flavored Spam is a sin. God himself must be thinking, if I meant for Spam to have a pumpkin spice twist, I would have made Hawaii famous for pumpkins instead of pineapples. While we’re at it, I don’t want pineapple-flavored Spam either. In fact, I don’t want Spam at all.

Or, while I wouldn’t necessarily choose it, I don’t cringe at the notion of pumpkin-spiced hand soap…..

But pumpkin-spiced deodorant? Seriously?…..

I would rather smell like I played outdoor basketball in Arizona temperatures without a follow-up shower than smell like I’m holding a pumpkin-spice donut underneath my armpits.

What are you people thinking?

My sincerest apologies to the lowly apple. And now I’m off to make an apple pan dowdy.

2 thoughts on “Not a Latte!

  1. True confession. I’ve seen pumpkin ravioli and I will pass on that. I want my ravioli with sausage & cheese. However, the pumpkin foam cold brew at Starbucks is amazing! 😋

  2. Thank you for delivering on your pumpkin spice rant. It’s just not early fall without it! And isn’t it funny that I enjoy it so much considering I am Team Pumpkin Spice? But I will definitely pass on the pumpkin spice spam 😬

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