Every year around this time I begin thinking about my resolutions for the new year. I always give serious thought to this process. Generally, however, I come up with the same things. I want to be more generous. I want to drink 8 glasses of water each day. I want to eat healthier. I want to exercise more regularly. Yada. Yada. Yada. I really could copy and paste my resolutions every year. By February, they have been long forgotten.
I was curious to see when people began making New Year’s resolutions, so I looked it up on Wikipedia (which has finally stopped asking me to donate money to them; I resolve next year to give them money). It seems resolutions were being made as far back as the Babylonians, who promised each year to pay their debts and return borrowed items. Still, apparently only 40 percent of Americans make resolutions. Of those 40 percent, only one person –Lucille Rose Dudovich of Pleasant Valley, Iowa, has ever actually kept her resolutions. She resolved to pay her debts and return borrowed items, which in her case were four overdue library books which carried a $2.75 fine.
This year, I was determined to be more original than I have been in the past. And so, I present to you my resoutions for 2016:
- Run the Burro Race in Leadville, Colorado, during which I will run 22 miles up and down Mosquito Pass pulling a donkey;
- Start keeping bees and making my own honey;
- Sew sequins onto every shirt I own;
- Ride my 50cc motor scooter to Sturgis for the bike rally in August;
- Start cooking exclusively on a wood stove;
- Crochet business suits for all of the men in my life;
- Finally get my black belt in karate (of course, I will have to start with the white belt and work my way up);
- Instead of the handshake of peace in church, begin chest bumping;
- Swim with the Great White Whales in southern Florida; first I will learn to swim;
- Go to Clown School to become a rodeo clown.
I will have a very busy 2016.