I’ll See You in My Dreams

This, unfortunately, might be the blog post that will make even the most faithful of my readers have a second thought about whether or not they should be reading this blog. You will think that this woman might be certifiably insane. I think I’m perfectly sane, however, and am going ahead and tell you this story.

My mother has been on my mind lately. I have had a number of dreams recently in which she has played a starring role. I often dreamed about her for a while after she passed away, but the dreams ended. Now, here it is, 27 years later, and she’s back, and she hasn’t aged a day since she died.

I think about her as I’m doing things around the house. Turning off lights. Making up our bed. Cooking her broccoli or vegetable beef shank soups. I do those tasks the same way I watched her do them almost two decades ago. I can’t honestly say that a day doesn’t go by that I think of her. In fact, many days will go by without giving her a thought. But when I have a memory, it is so vivid that I can almost smell her fragrance.

But something particularly strange has been happening as of late. On a number of occasions, mostly when I’ve been laying in bed, I have felt someone sitting down next to me and rubbing my back. The feeling only lasts a few moments, but it’s long enough for me to register that someone is being affectionate.

I will be perfectly honest: I haven’t opened my eyes to see who/what’s there. The fact of the matter is that I don’t want to open my eyes because I might see her ghost. Even worse, I might see absolutely nothing, and that would make me sad. The weirdest part about the whole experience is that I’m not afraid. Me, the one who had to run from the top of our staircase, down our hallway, and jump into bed for literally months after seeing The Sixth Sense.

I tested my sanity waters first with my sister Jen when she was still here in AZ.

“You know what?” I asked her one day.

“What?” she replied.

(Gulp) “I think Mom is coming to visit me and is rubbing my back,” I said.

Instead of thinking I was insane, she told me she isn’t surprised at all.

“You are going through some difficult times right now, and I’m not surprised she’s there to boost your spirits,” she said calmly.

That went well. I decided to mention it to my brother.

“One day I was putting something in the mixer at work,” he replied. “All of the sudden, I felt Dad’s hand on my shoulder. When I turned around, he wasn’t there, but I felt it. I really did.”

Here’s my take on everything: We know nothing about what happens when we die. Even Christian believers such as myself don’t know how everything transpires after we take our last breath. So it’s as likely to me as not that those who love us the most could come and visit us.

Or, I could simply be certifiably insane.

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