99 Bottles

Our Canadian friends, who for many years were our neighbors here in Mesa, are back in the Valley of the Sun for a month or so. They told us a tale of trouble when describing their drive from Alberta. One of the main border crossings into the United States was taken over by truckers who were protesting masks and other COVID-related mandates. THEY HAVE HAD IT, the truckers exclaim. No mas! they say. (Wait, that’s the other border.) Our friends had to wait literally hours to cross a border that would normally have been a half hour deal.

The protest escalated to other complaints and grievances. Everybody who felt like protesting made their way to the border to cause problems. Sound familiar? Canadians are very nice, but they also learn quickly from their southern neighbors.

I read in a news feed I receive every day that the Canadian president is planning to do something to attempt to put an end to the blockade. Perhaps sending in the Mounties. But it’s perhaps too little too late. The need to protest has expanded to folks in other countries who are sick and tired of wearing masks and working from home.

What to do? What to do? Well, there are probably lots of things being considered, but I think my favorite plan is that of New Zealand. Their solution? They are going to pipe in nonstop annoying music. Their example? Baby Shark. I think that’s a really good choice because once Baby Shark gets into your mind, it doesn’t leave until you are nearly driven to madness. I wonder if they have barbershop quartets performing and are being backed up by bagpipes.

There was a McDonalds on the Sixteenth Street Mall in downtown Denver that drew lots of young people using lots of illegal drugs. Rather than sending in the police, this establishment simply piped classical music out of loudspeakers. It was a fairly effective way of keeping the teens from staying very long.

I got to thinking about what songs I find annoying, and came up with a short list. It seems what most of the songs have in common is that in addition to being annoying, they stick in your brain.

Take It’s a Small World for example. The repetitious tune with its meaningless lyrics gets stuck in your head for the remainder of day. It would be enough to drive me away. Or anyone with ears.

And what about 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall? I’m pretty sure hearing all 99 verses of this horrible drinking song again and again for hour upon hour would make my head explode. I would definitely run for cover after about 30 minutes, trying to run the tune out of my brain.

It wouldn’t even take 30 minutes for me to lose my mind if I’m Too Sexy played more than three times, much less over and over for eight hours. I’d take my big rig and hightail it to Quebec.

I will be eagerly watching the situation, especially in New Zealand.

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