Open Your Mouth and Say Ahhh

Yesterday, Bill and I had our annual wellness checks. You know, those things we used to call physicals but apparently the correct term these days is wellness check. I think they changed the name because the word physical brings to mind high school P.E. class, and Baby Boomers have no desire to recall those memories. Let’s all be WELL instead.

I learned two important things at yesterday’s physical. 1) The physicians’ assistants who now do our examinations are truly not much older than our eldest granddaughter. I was hoping to draw the long straw and be seen by the doctor who is about my age and complains as much as much as I do about the physical aches and pains that accompany aging. What does that little whippersnapper know about arthritis in wrists and thumbs? She probably understands incontinence about as much as I understand Snapchat. 2) Perhaps related to number 1, my doctor has sold his practice. I saw him in the hall as I walked to the bloodletting room and told him that I was going to wrap my arms around his legs and not let him leave. He promised me he was staying for a couple more years. As you can tell, I really like my doctor. As a result of the change in ownership, I had to fill out a stack of forms that was literally nearly a half-inch thick. I am crabby about filling out forms. And about people on my lawn.

One thing I have noticed about myself over the last few years (and last few wellness checks) is that I no longer feel a need to lie. Therefore, when Little Missy asked me if I drink alcohol, I didn’t hesitate to tell the truth. Previously, I might say something like I might have a glass of wine on special occasions. Now I say with confidence, “Yes, I drink. I have an adult beverage every day of the week. Wanna make something of it?” (Well, I don’t say that last part because I felt it was implied.)

Many feel the worst part of a physical is getting the blood drawn. Not me. I have had so many pokes in every part of my body over the last 10 years that I can practically do it myself. I will admit, however, that the phlebotomist was filling so many tubes with my blood that I asked that she would leave a bit for me. As you can imagine, she was very amused. About as amused as the doctor is when he/she asks Bill if he has any hearing problems, and he answers EVERY SINGLE TIME, “What?” Of course, now when he does it, he’s not kidding.

For me, however, the worst part about a wellness check is fasting for 12 hours prior. That’s why I make sure to have the first appointment of the day. I have always thought that coffee was included in the fasting list. The third thing I learned today is that you can have a cup of coffee before a blood draw as long as you don’t add cream or sugar.

Unfortunately, it was 10 o’clock and I was already crabby by that time.

It appears that Bill and I are both going to live for another year!

One thought on “Open Your Mouth and Say Ahhh

  1. Correction. You are not cranky about people walking on your lawn . You are cranky about neighborhood dogs leaving their “treasure” on your lawn.

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