It’s Not Funny

I used to have a sense of humor. A sense of humor runs in my family, and I used to have one. Alas, my sense of humor has gone the way of the dodo bird and eating restaurant food that isn’t delivered by GrubHub.

The other day, in fact, I was trying to get 6-year-old Cole out of a crabby spell by telling him a joke. I was stumped. I thought and thought, and the only joke I could come up with was the knock-knock joke dealing with bananas and oranges. There simply isn’t a knock-knock joke in the world funny enough to make Cole laugh when he’s mad at you. And that one sure isn’t going to do the job.

As the writer of a blog — this blog, in fact — I try to look at the world differently than others look at it. I used to be able to go to the grocery store and if I paid attention, I could almost always find something quirky, even funny, going on about which I could write. But now when I go to the grocery store, all I see are people with masks and sad-looking eyes pushing their carts around and trying not to think too hard about the price of bacon. Or the unexpected gaps where a everyday item used to be. Yesterday, for example, there were inexplicably no napkins. The only paper napkins on the shelves were the store brand which they describe as for everyday use. That may be true as long as your day doesn’t include eating. They are good for one hand wipe, and then shred like a Mission Impossible message. Oh, for the days of Vanity Fair napkins.

There’s nothing too interesting on television upon which to remark. These days, we’re desperate enough to be rewatching programs we’ve rewatched two or three other times. When you can speak the lines along with Detective Bosch, it’s time for Blue Bloods to return.

I’ve written blogs about funny driving experiences. Nowadays, there is little to nothing funny about driving. Drivers seem to always be in a hurry. They are willing to zip in and out, around and about cars on the highway in their hurry to get, well, to who knows where? There’s not that many places to go. You know how southern women gossip about someone, and end their sentence with bless her heart? That’s me these days when I’m in my car. As the BMW SUV zips around me, I say out loud something like you’d better be taking your damn wife who is labor to the hospital when you’re driving that fast you fool, and then add Bless your heart.

Having said all of the above, the reality is that things seem to be getting better every day, no-napkins-on-the-shelf notwithstanding. Tomorrow will be a better day, full of napkins and disinfectant wipes and jokes. At least some tomorrow soon.

I’ll leave you with this….

Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot, but then I took his bike away.

My sense of humor is going to return. I just know it.

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