Two Brains

From the first time that my parents met Bill, my mother always said, “That man is a genius.” She called him a genius until the day she died. She was not speaking in generalities; she truly believed him to be a genius.

Bill is a very smart man. I have no idea whether or not he’s a genius because I don’t know his IQ. What I do know, however, is that he is a quick thinker, patient, calm, can quickly analyze a situation, and can figure out how to do just about anything if you give him time. Nowadays, Google helps.

I, on the other hand, am decidedly NOT a genius. In fact, I had to look up how spell the word GENIUS, because spellcheck kept telling me — quite correctly — that GENIOUS was incorrect. I would be embarrassed to tell you how many times I retyped the word incorrectly because I was so sure I was spelling it right. I am impatient, scatterbrained, and whatever word is the polar opposite of calm. And while I can analyze a situation if given enough time, I am not especially good at thinking on my feet. I do, however, have a pretty good memory. Ask me, for example, the words to any song from the 1960s. Or my childhood telephone number or that of my friend’s. I remember all of the birthdays in our family. I am a good speller (except for GENIOUS genius). I can balance a checkbook and manage pretty well on a computer.

I have told Bill said these words many times in our married life: Between the two of us, we have one good working brain. As we age, that becomes more and more #TRUTH.

On somewhat of an impulse, Bill and I combined our brain power and decided to drive to Fort Collins on Sunday to cook a birthday dinner for my sister Jen and my nephew BJ. We had a wonderful time. Bill even got the chance to play golf with BJ, where — shockingly — he made a friend. Bill makes friends wherever he goes. His new friends don’t always have Parkinson’s but this friend did. Small world.

Anyhoo, we left yesterday morning after Jen went to a doctor’s appointment. We gathered up our things and took off for Denver around10:30. We decided to take a slower, but much calmer and considerably more scenic route than I-25. We had driven for about 45 minutes, when Bill’s phone rang. It was Jen. She told him that I had forgotten my purse. You know, my purse in which I have my billfold with all of my credit cards and my drivers’ license, and my cell phone.

As we sped down the highway, Bill and I began troubleshooting our options. We could ask her to take 45 minutes out of her work day to drive to FedEx with my purse and have it overnighted to me. Not only would that put a burden on her, it would cost in the neighborhood of a hundred bucks. Or I could try to live without my purse until Saturday when she was coming to Denver to see our brother. I probably could live without my billfold, BUT MY PHONE??? Or I could turn around and head back.

We chose option 3. What the heck? We’re retired.

We turned left and headed to the very route we had tried to avoid: I-25. As we drove, I told Bill that he could choose a place to have lunch since he was being so patient and, well, calm. He chose Jim’s Wings, a Fort Collins family favorite……

We enjoyed our lunch, and headed for home.

As we neared Denver, he said to me, “Why don’t we stop at Home Depot so I can pick up blabbity blabbity blabbity blah?” (He actually said words, but my brain stops paying attention as soon as I know hardware is involved.) “We can also stop at Duluth Trading to buy me some pants.” We took what he thought was the correct exit, only it wasn’t. He agreed to go to Home Depot later. We found a frontage road and drove back about three miles to Duluth Trading, where he found his pants (after much sorting through the ten trillion men’s pants they have).

And then we spotted Home Depot. Again, remembering his patience, I drove to the HD parking lot. He ran in and got some more blabbity blabbity blahs.. And then we got confused coming out of the parking lot. I figured it out. That was when I reminded him for the 3000th time that between the two of us, we have one brain. 

As we drove past downtown, I said to Bill, “Dang, we’re going to drive right past Mile High Stadium. The Broncos play tonight. We’re going to be stuck in traffic.” Bill answered, “We’ll only run into traffic if paper cutouts drive cars.” Oh, right. COVID. Well, he’s the genius, not me.

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