We hear a lot of bad news these days, don’t we? Great Britain can’t figure out how to handle Brexit. Iran’s Revolutionary Guard Corps has been declared a terrorist organization. Floods have damaged much of United States’ bread basket. I can’t keep up with all of the earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes around the world.
But amidst all of the bad news, I finally heard a piece of good news the other day. It came from Town & Country Magazine. What was the news?
VODKA IS GOOD FOR YOU. Move over, kale and acai berries. Step back, red wine. Bring me a glass of Stoli’s or Grey Goose. Because HEALTH FOOD.
Actually, the truth is I would prefer an ice cold martini made with Tanqueray gin rather than Grey Goose vodka. I know bartenders make more vodka martinis than gin martinis, even though the definition of a martini is a drink made with gin, stirred, not shaken (sorry James Bond), garnished with an olive or a lemon peel. I can deal with a Grey Goose martini. But People, when you pour lemon flavored vodka and sugar into a martini glass that has previously been dipped in sugar, you might have a really good drink, but you don’t have a MARTINI. No to the Lemon Drop martini. It takes more than the shape of the glass in which your adult beverage is served.
Wow. That felt good to get that off my chest. Excuse me while I drink a shot of a certain stress-reliever.
Now, back to vodka as health food. According to the article, there are seven ways in which vodka is good for you. One of the ways, of course, is that 1)it acts as a stress reliever as I implied above. But the others seem
a stretch surprising: 2) it’s a natural disinfectant and antiseptic; 3 ) it prevents blood clots, heart attacks, and strokes, and lowers cholesterol; 4) it’s a natural astringent and deep-cleans your pores; 5) it controls bad breath; 6) it relieves symptoms of arthritis; 7) it reduces blood sugar levels and helps prevent diabetes.
See what I mean? You could really live on nothing but vodka. And if your boss accuses you of alcohol on your breath, just say, “Well, of course I have alcohol on my breath. I wouldn’t leave the house without using a breath freshener.”
Someone with whom I worked once informed me (as I was sipping an ice cold gin martini) that gin kills brain cells. Nonsense, I thought as I took another sip and bit into the bleu cheese olive. He’s thinking about the gin that they made in bathtubs in the 1920s. Bathtub gin probably not only damaged your brain, but also grew hair on the bottom of your feet. Not MY gin.
The article, by the way, adds that vodka was originally invented as a form of medicine. I’m only happy that I can drink it as part of a Bloody Mary and not just have it poured onto an open wound with a stick between my teeth.
The writer of the article doesn’t credit any particular research study. I wonder if a study was funded by the Smirnoff Bartending School of the United States.