I Want My Mullet Back

I want my mullet back
My ol’ Camero, an’ my eight-track
Fuzzy dice hangin’ loose an’ proud
ZZ Top, they’re playin’ loud
A simple time, that’s what I miss
Your mini-skirt an’ your sweet kiss
Things are changin’ man, an’ that’s a fact
I want my mullet back. –Billy Ray Cyrus

I kept Bill company yesterday when he had to do one of life’s most onerous tasks – take his car in for emissions inspection. The task of getting one’s car inspected is second only to getting one’s drivers’ license renewed for sheer frustration and complete boredom. Plus, you get a headache from all of the emissions. The car needing to be inspected was his 2002 Ford Escape, the car we leave in AZ year round. Given its age and history, passing the emissions test isn’t a given.

Still, it passed. But I was more than amused when the man conducting the test came up to the window to collect Bill’s payment. The man, probably in his 30s, was sporting a full-out mullet, something I hadn’t seen in quite some time.

“1982 just called,” I wanted to say to him. “It wants its mullet back.”

I didn’t.

To reward ourselves both for passing emissions and not laughing at the man’s haircut, we ate lunch at one of my favorite hamburger joints  — Fuddrucker’s. Fudd’s third-pound hamburger is about my favorite of any burger made. Fuddrucker’s has no presence in Colorado, so I really love to eat there as often as I can without totally embarrassing myself while we’re in AZ. Quite appropriately for this post, Fuddrucker’s opened for business in 1979 in San Antonio as Freddie Fuddruckers.

As we waited for our food to arrive, I glanced over at the booth next to us. I kid you not, there was a young man with a full-out mullet.

“Sweet Lord above,” I thought to myself. “Please tell me that the mullet isn’t making a return. I don’t think I can survive that fashion trend again. It was bad enough the first time.”

I didn’t hate everything about the 80s. Court was born in 1980, and that was a very good thing. I liked the clothing fashions of that decade. Remember the jackets and sweaters with shoulder pads similar to what Von Miller wears today when he’s on the football field? And the faded bleached jeans that fit tight around your waist and had pleats. Man, I LOVED my 80s jeans. And what about sweatshirts with the torn collars ala Flashdance, and the legwarmers. Wow. I did love me some legwarmers.

And the music? Michael Jackson. Olivia Newton John. Hall and Oates. Lionel Ritchie. Good stuff, though I will admit to not listening to a lot of music in those days, as at least in the early part of the decade, I was changing diapers and ending my marriage. Busy, busy, busy.

But the hairstyles never have to come back into fashion as far as I’m concerned. Not the men’s styles. Not the women’s styles. Lord, the hairspray. And when you have hair as fine and straight as mine, well can you imagine how much hairspray it took to obtain this look…..


After spotting the second mullet in just a half hour yesterday, I asked Bill just when mullets were popular. “I don’t know for sure,” he said (having gotten the same haircut for the past 73 years save for a crewcut he wore in high school). “When was Billy Ray Cyrus popular?”

And so I found this photo (to the left), and couldn’t help but notice the similar style worn by my nephew Erik around that same time (or at least I hope it was at that same time)…..


I will keep you posted on mullet-sightings in the Valley of the Sun.

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