Call Before You Stop By

kris hiding eyesA couple of years ago, one lovely spring evening while in AZ Bill and I decided to walk over to the nearby Chinese restaurant. Our neighbor’s garage door was open, and Bill, being the friendly guy he is, greeted our neighbor who was in his garage with a cheerful, “Hello.” I was focused on our walk and didn’t greet the neighbor or even look over at the garage. I find as I age, it’s a good idea for me to be on the lookout for rocks on the sidewalk which invariably trip me.

We walked along a bit further and Bill was kind of quiet. Finally, he said to me, “Hmmm, that was kind of weird.”

“What was weird, Honey?” I asked innocently, not knowing my life as an Arizona neighbor was about to change.

“Jack wasn’t wearing any clothes,” Bill replied. The names have been changed to protect – well, they’ve just been changed, that’s all.

“What do you mean ‘he wasn’t wearing any clothes?’ You mean he was shirtless?” I asked hopefully.

“Nope,” Bill said. “I mean he wasn’t wearing any clothes.”

We walked on in silence.

But it wasn’t over. When we were seated in the restaurant, Bill went on. “But you want to know something weird?”

As if our neighbor hanging out in his garage wearing what he was born in wasn’t weird enough.

“He had on a baseball cap,” Bill solemnly declared.

Okay, so here’s the thing.  I can scarcely imagine a scenario under which I would go into our garage sans clothing. But I ASSURE you there is absolutely NO circumstance under which I would go into the garage naked if the door is open.  Having said that, I have to tell you it’s the hat that threw me.

Let’s say he just disrobed in preparation for a shower, and realized that they were out of toilet paper and he had planned on, well, you know. So he grabbed a baseball cap because he didn’t want to go into the garage completely naked? Because it seems to me that one simply can’t be running around the house without a stitch on but wearing a Arizona Cardinals baseball cap. So the hat had to be put on just prior to going out to the garage. Why?

Could our neighbors possibly be nudists?

Subsequent to that day, there have been no sightings in which our neighbor has been in his garage completely naked.  However…… HOWEVER….

I am sorry to report that he has taken to wearing nothing but a pair of thong underwear while working in his garage. Nothing else. No cap.No shirt. Just the thongs. My brother’s theory is that his wife has told him he MUST WEAR AT LEAST A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR when working in the garage with the door open.

“Yes dear,” he said, and put on his pair of blue thongs. She was thinking boxers.

I’m no prude (as I have mentioned) and I am in total support of people’s privacy. If he and Mrs. Naked-As-Jaybirds want to disrobe from the moment they get home from work until they leave the next morning, well, feel free to do so (and feeling free seems to be what he does best). But please, PLEASE, put on clothes when you are working in your garage with the door open. And by clothes, I mean something that does more than barely cover your baseball equipment.

I frankly can think of nothing more to say. And I’m pretty sure our homeowners’ covenants don’t cover this particular issue. Cover. Get it?



2 thoughts on “Call Before You Stop By

  1. You should have included a picture of our house so readers understand its in a beautiful neighborhood! And this guy is a grandfather to a darling 3 year old. And he alerts us when we are not there if something at the house goes awry. My point? He seems normal other than the……well, you know. 😁

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